We all have a person in our lives who have just gone too far. The cheater, the liar, the crappy friend, the teacher who embarrassed you in front of the class, the criminal, the evil sibling, the “other woman” or man. It’s inevitable that people are going to mess up and we’re ultimately going to hate them for it. What if there was a way to forgive the unforgivable? There is, but it’s friggin’ hard.
Just like happiness, how to forgive is work. Forgiveness is a daily, sometimes moment by moment choice we make. How to forgive is a hot topic. Personally it has taken me years to get over some things and other things I’m still working on, but I have learned some steps along the way that definitely help the process…
1. Have gratitude
It’s hard to have an attitude of gratitude when nothing is going right or you feel things are being taken from you. Even the things that are taken from us, we should be grateful for. Every experience, good and bad, has led us to where we are now, which is hopefully a better version of the person we were yesterday. When you look at it that way, it’s makes forgiving a lot easier.
2. Take responsibility
Odds are if you’re reading this you’re willing to hold yourself accountable, and that’s half the battle.
It’s amazing how quick we are to put the blame on everyone and everything outside of ourselves when things go wrong. But when the good stuff happens we’re like ‘yep, I did that!’. 9 times out of 10 when something not-so-great happens we play a significant role in the process.
For example: you date someone who has a record of cheating and low and behold he cheats on you too. Instead of wreaking havoc on his life for what he did to you, take a closer look and see your part in all of it. Take responsibility for the fact you knew what you were getting into; that goes for everything not just relationships. If you play with fire you will get burned.
3. Get involved
When you become involved in something bigger than yourself you may realize how unnecessary or irrelevant your grudge really is.
People are starving. The elephant population is decreasing. Pollution is increasing. Kids are being bullied. When you hone in on what’s happening around you, you focus less on what’s happening to you. You’re able to see the needs of others instead of just the needs of yourself. It’s pretty powerful.
4. Meditate
You know how good it is, so why aren’t you doing it? We can come up with a million excuses to why we don’t meditate, and for a while that’s exactly what I did, but now one thing I won’t compromise is my inner peace and that’s exactly what meditation brings to our chaotic lives. Even if you can’t totally shut it down for that 5-10 minutes you still feel recharged and at ease.
How do you forgive? Tell me in the comments below.
xx
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